So its been a long time since I’ve sat down to blog, and with that I’ve had loads of ideas of what I wanted to write about once I got my arse back into gear. The past few months have been a whirlwind with more ups and downs than I’d want in a year. That being said lets talk about an up!
As I have mentioned before, I have always been fat, I came out a fat baby and I just carried on getting bigger from there, I was 10 stone by the time I was 10, my heaviest weight was 18stone and that is where I found myself about ten months ago.
That being said, after university I became pretty confident in my size, I knew I was big but I excepted that was the way it was going to be, between the ages of 12 and 22 I tried every crash diet going, I did slimming world, I went to a dietician but nothing changed. I would lose weight and then put on more and get even bigger. So I’d fully given up on trying to lose weight.
Then I started getting stomach pain, not like run of the mill, this is a bit uncomfortable stomach pain but somebody stabbed me in the belly and I’m unable to move without throwing up stomach pain. I refused to go to the doctors for a ages because I thought I was been over dramatic, when I finally did they told me I had gallstones and would need to have my gallbladder removed, until then I could not eat foods with a high fat content. They also told me that gallstones in someone my age were often caused by being overweight. Thats when it dawned on me that it was ok to be body confident, but the weight I had let myself get to was now hindering my health and causing me a lot of issues. So I decided to set about loosing weight, with the added motivation that if I ate anything with fat in it I’d be in pain for days anyway. I completely cut fat out of my diet, which unless you suffer with gallbladder pain I wouldn’t recommend, but after that I saw the weight start to drop off me and that motivated me even more. Since I set about losing weight Ive lost 5 stone, 3 dress sizes and even 3 bra sizes (much to my dismay) but I also learnt some surprising things about myself along the way, so I thought I’d share them with you below.
- I felt worse before I felt better
After I lost the first couple of stone I felt worse about myself than I had done before losing it. I struggled with what to wear and was more conscious about looking fat than I had been previously. It took me hours to leave the house on some days. I had built my identity around being big and being ok with it so loosing weight I felt like I was loosing part of myself.
2. I sleep less now.
I could always over sleep, I could sleep for 10 hours and not wake up naturally, having 8 hours never seemed like enough. I mainly put that down to depression, however since losing weight I sleep a normal amount of time, my body just seems less exhausted now its dragging less weight around with it.
3. I am more confident in my own ability.
I always thought I had become a more confident person since leaving school, despite my size. Since loosing weight I realize that wasn’t true and my size was still holding me back in unrelated areas. I am more confident to show of my talents, to take charge and to do a whole load of things since losing weight.
4. I actually like exercise.
I’m a gym person, who knew?
5. Motivation fluctuates.
This is the longest I’ve stayed on track before, and as a result I weigh less no than I did when I was 13. However, I still have 3 stone to lose before I reach my goal weight (worked out by being comfortable in a healthy BMI range) and the motivation is thin, now the logical determination has to take over instead, and its hard work!